We recently found out that Ukraine will not be accepting any more dossiers this year for adoption. We were expecting the process to change because of recent changes to the system in Ukraine but, we wern't expecting this. It's fustrating and very discouraging.
We think the best thing we can do right now is take a step back and review everthing. Possibly look for another country to adopt from. Our concern with Ukraine is that because the adoption program there is always in a state of flux that it they may never accept our dossier.
Lots of thinking to do.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I've been slacking on posting!
It's been some time since I blogged. I wasn't any more frequent at writting when I had a journel as a kid. I have been thinking about posting, just not getting around to it.
I think it's just that time of year, everything comes first except what you want to come first and enveitably something unexpected and unneeded will come up to through you off.
Things seem to be more undercontroll now (that's normally when it goes way off track around here) so we will redirect our focus to the adoption.
Our book drive efforts on a local scale have kinda fizzled. I was so motivated! But, apprently no one else was. I called every place I could think of just asking if we could use their parking lots as as pick up location or if we could post some flyers in their buildings. "NO NO NO NO. We don't suport that kind of thing." "If we did that we would be inundated with requests" That came from my own church. I was so discouraged. Our first fundraising effort beat down before we even got started. It would have been bad enough if no one had shown up but, to not even be allowed to post a flyer in your own church!!!
I will give kudos to both our local recreational centers. The Northglenn center said yes to the use of their parking lot and posting flyers without hesitation. And, although the Thornton center couldn't say yes right away, they did say they would look into it.
So we do have one place that will allow us to use the parking lot and post flyers on their message board in the lobby. Still not enough visability to get the quanity of books we needed to raise any money. I started looking at other options. I was not giving up on this idea. I knew I could help raise the funds we needed with books and promote reading which is good for everyone.
Thanks to the Longmont Library we hit on the right avenue! I was able to buy a large selection of books left over from one of their FOL sales (Friends Of The Library). They gave me a good deal and we have a grage full of books. Not, the book drive we started with but, still very successful. Thank you Longmont FOL!!!
We are also working on a car wash and flamingo flocking. those will start sometime after Easter.
I'll keep you posted!
I think it's just that time of year, everything comes first except what you want to come first and enveitably something unexpected and unneeded will come up to through you off.
Things seem to be more undercontroll now (that's normally when it goes way off track around here) so we will redirect our focus to the adoption.
Our book drive efforts on a local scale have kinda fizzled. I was so motivated! But, apprently no one else was. I called every place I could think of just asking if we could use their parking lots as as pick up location or if we could post some flyers in their buildings. "NO NO NO NO. We don't suport that kind of thing." "If we did that we would be inundated with requests" That came from my own church. I was so discouraged. Our first fundraising effort beat down before we even got started. It would have been bad enough if no one had shown up but, to not even be allowed to post a flyer in your own church!!!
I will give kudos to both our local recreational centers. The Northglenn center said yes to the use of their parking lot and posting flyers without hesitation. And, although the Thornton center couldn't say yes right away, they did say they would look into it.
So we do have one place that will allow us to use the parking lot and post flyers on their message board in the lobby. Still not enough visability to get the quanity of books we needed to raise any money. I started looking at other options. I was not giving up on this idea. I knew I could help raise the funds we needed with books and promote reading which is good for everyone.
Thanks to the Longmont Library we hit on the right avenue! I was able to buy a large selection of books left over from one of their FOL sales (Friends Of The Library). They gave me a good deal and we have a grage full of books. Not, the book drive we started with but, still very successful. Thank you Longmont FOL!!!
We are also working on a car wash and flamingo flocking. those will start sometime after Easter.
I'll keep you posted!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Q and A
Since we announced we are adopting we've gotten mixed responses and lots of questions. I think anyone who is doing an adoption gets some of the same responses we did. People are naturally curious, excited, concerned and opinionated (I don't mean that in a bad way just that they have their own thoughts or ideas on adoption just like all the advice you get when you’re pregnant or a new parent).
Some of the responses and concerns are well founded and some are just from not knowing. I'm going to try to answer some of the questions we've gotten here to help everyone. Some of the questions we were asked may sound kind of harsh. We choose to feel they were not intended to be harsh just a show of concern.
Q: Why do you want to adopt?
A: Why not? The question for us has never been why, it's always been when.
Q: Do you think you will love your adopted child like you do your son?
A: We've heard this from both parents and not yet parents. Yes. We will love this child jus the same as we love the child we created. We will love the child's differences from us as much as we love the similarities. We haven't found the child who will forever be a part of our family yet but we know that child is out there and ours.
Q: Will the child look like you?
A: Children from the Ukraine are considered Eastern European. They tend to be darker blond and light skinned. However, they also may have some Asian background or Gypsy (Romanian). The kids have dark hair, light hair, red hair just like any other kids. We don't get to pick our child on hair color nor would we want to. We don't care if the child we bring home looks anything like us.
Q: Will the child speak English? If they don't how will you communicate?
A: As with any foreign adoption it is unlikely the child will speak English. He may speak a few words or phrases but, probably not. While we are in Ukraine we will have the assistance of a translator. Our translator will help us with officials, the orphanage staff and the children. There will be times we won’t have assistance and be on our own trying to figure out the language. We are both trying to learn some of the language before we go so we can be a part of conversations and not just a third party. We will take our laptop with us so that when we have internet access we can use the internet to help translate. When we get on that airplane to come home we will be all on our own. I expect by then we will have all have phrases we recognize and be on our way to working it out. Some things you don't need to know the words for like showing a child you love them.
Here are some excellent translation sites:
http://babelfish.altavista.com/
http://translation.langenberg.com/
http://www.google.com/language_tools
Q: Aren’t you afraid your adoptive child will be mad at you or resent you for adopting them?
First she won’t be our 'adoptive child', she will be our daughter. Second we won’t be forcing any child who does not want to be adopted by us to come home with us. That is one of the things we like about this program, we will be able to meet the child and ask them with the help of our translator if they want to be our son or daughter. When we get home there will be some adjustments for all of us. They may be missing their friends and the comfort of surrounding they recognize. It will not be easy, at first, for any of us. But, it will get better, it will get comfortable.
In later years I guess they might miss Ukraine or even want to go back. We will work through that when it comes.
I've heard the stories about the adopted kids both domestic and international who turn on their parents in the middle of the night but, I've also heard the stories of birth children doing the same thing.
If we sit here and wonder about all the bad things that might happen I may as well not wake up in the morning because we are just asking for a bad day. Instead we focus on all the great things we would be missing if we didn't adopt.
Q: Why don't you just have more kids?
A: We are just having more kids, this is the way we have chosen to do it.
Q: Why don't you just stick with one child?
A: We have always wanted more then one. There are plenty of hugs to go around. It just seems right to us to have more and adoption seems the right way to do that.
Q: Don’t you think your son will feel like he wasn't good enough?
A: We certainly hope not! And, will do everything to ensure he and any other children we have knows they have an equal place in our hearts and home. We feel he will be happy to have a sibling and they will grow into a bond like any other natural born siblings.
It won’t be smooth at first, it won’t be easy but again no household with kids is smooth all the time. Siblings don't always get a long. You work it out as you go.
In the end we deeply believe this is as good for our son as it is for us.
Q: Why are you spending all this money to adopt? Why is it so expensive?
A: If I didn't have insurance it would be the same expense as having a baby and in some adoptions the same time frame. If I needed fertilization treatments I would spend more then an adoption. If I wanted to use a surrogate mother it would be more. In the end I would rather spend the money and have another child then not have another child at all.
I ask myself this question every time I have to pay an adoption expense. There is a lot involved and every step requires some fees. The home study and the dossier preparation our agent with Adoption Journey will do as well as our post adoption. There are a lot of small fees involved with getting all the paper work together for the dossier. There is the fee for having it translated to Ukraine. There are the fees for housing while in Ukraine, about 30 days. Fees for the facilitator and translation team, transportation in Ukraine, airfare there and back plus two additional tickets, INS fees. Fees I've forgotten! When you look at it as a whole number it’s a lot. But, when you break it down the fees are not as excessive as the first appear.
Q: Isn’t this just like buying someone’s baby? Or kidnapped kids?
A: NO IT'S NOT! None of the children we will be shown are being offered by a family. These children are all in orphanages run by the Ukraine Government. These children have been placed in orphanages by their family because they could not care for them or have been removed from the family by the government and placed in the orphanage. Before a child can become available for international adoption the must be on the adoption registry for a specific time period, this allows time for family to be able to claim them or to be adopted by countrymen.
Q: Will your adoption be legal in this counry.
A: Yes. One we go thorough the court process in Urakine the children will legaly be ours. Before even sending our dossier over to Ukraine we will have subbmited the appripriate document to INS to bring the children home. As well, before we leave Ukraine we do basicly an exit interview at the U.S. Embassy.
If you have questions please email and we will do our best to answer them
Some of the responses and concerns are well founded and some are just from not knowing. I'm going to try to answer some of the questions we've gotten here to help everyone. Some of the questions we were asked may sound kind of harsh. We choose to feel they were not intended to be harsh just a show of concern.
Q: Why do you want to adopt?
A: Why not? The question for us has never been why, it's always been when.
Q: Do you think you will love your adopted child like you do your son?
A: We've heard this from both parents and not yet parents. Yes. We will love this child jus the same as we love the child we created. We will love the child's differences from us as much as we love the similarities. We haven't found the child who will forever be a part of our family yet but we know that child is out there and ours.
Q: Will the child look like you?
A: Children from the Ukraine are considered Eastern European. They tend to be darker blond and light skinned. However, they also may have some Asian background or Gypsy (Romanian). The kids have dark hair, light hair, red hair just like any other kids. We don't get to pick our child on hair color nor would we want to. We don't care if the child we bring home looks anything like us.
Q: Will the child speak English? If they don't how will you communicate?
A: As with any foreign adoption it is unlikely the child will speak English. He may speak a few words or phrases but, probably not. While we are in Ukraine we will have the assistance of a translator. Our translator will help us with officials, the orphanage staff and the children. There will be times we won’t have assistance and be on our own trying to figure out the language. We are both trying to learn some of the language before we go so we can be a part of conversations and not just a third party. We will take our laptop with us so that when we have internet access we can use the internet to help translate. When we get on that airplane to come home we will be all on our own. I expect by then we will have all have phrases we recognize and be on our way to working it out. Some things you don't need to know the words for like showing a child you love them.
Here are some excellent translation sites:
http://babelfish.altavista.com/
http://translation.langenberg.com/
http://www.google.com/language_tools
Q: Aren’t you afraid your adoptive child will be mad at you or resent you for adopting them?
First she won’t be our 'adoptive child', she will be our daughter. Second we won’t be forcing any child who does not want to be adopted by us to come home with us. That is one of the things we like about this program, we will be able to meet the child and ask them with the help of our translator if they want to be our son or daughter. When we get home there will be some adjustments for all of us. They may be missing their friends and the comfort of surrounding they recognize. It will not be easy, at first, for any of us. But, it will get better, it will get comfortable.
In later years I guess they might miss Ukraine or even want to go back. We will work through that when it comes.
I've heard the stories about the adopted kids both domestic and international who turn on their parents in the middle of the night but, I've also heard the stories of birth children doing the same thing.
If we sit here and wonder about all the bad things that might happen I may as well not wake up in the morning because we are just asking for a bad day. Instead we focus on all the great things we would be missing if we didn't adopt.
Q: Why don't you just have more kids?
A: We are just having more kids, this is the way we have chosen to do it.
Q: Why don't you just stick with one child?
A: We have always wanted more then one. There are plenty of hugs to go around. It just seems right to us to have more and adoption seems the right way to do that.
Q: Don’t you think your son will feel like he wasn't good enough?
A: We certainly hope not! And, will do everything to ensure he and any other children we have knows they have an equal place in our hearts and home. We feel he will be happy to have a sibling and they will grow into a bond like any other natural born siblings.
It won’t be smooth at first, it won’t be easy but again no household with kids is smooth all the time. Siblings don't always get a long. You work it out as you go.
In the end we deeply believe this is as good for our son as it is for us.
Q: Why are you spending all this money to adopt? Why is it so expensive?
A: If I didn't have insurance it would be the same expense as having a baby and in some adoptions the same time frame. If I needed fertilization treatments I would spend more then an adoption. If I wanted to use a surrogate mother it would be more. In the end I would rather spend the money and have another child then not have another child at all.
I ask myself this question every time I have to pay an adoption expense. There is a lot involved and every step requires some fees. The home study and the dossier preparation our agent with Adoption Journey will do as well as our post adoption. There are a lot of small fees involved with getting all the paper work together for the dossier. There is the fee for having it translated to Ukraine. There are the fees for housing while in Ukraine, about 30 days. Fees for the facilitator and translation team, transportation in Ukraine, airfare there and back plus two additional tickets, INS fees. Fees I've forgotten! When you look at it as a whole number it’s a lot. But, when you break it down the fees are not as excessive as the first appear.
Q: Isn’t this just like buying someone’s baby? Or kidnapped kids?
A: NO IT'S NOT! None of the children we will be shown are being offered by a family. These children are all in orphanages run by the Ukraine Government. These children have been placed in orphanages by their family because they could not care for them or have been removed from the family by the government and placed in the orphanage. Before a child can become available for international adoption the must be on the adoption registry for a specific time period, this allows time for family to be able to claim them or to be adopted by countrymen.
Q: Will your adoption be legal in this counry.
A: Yes. One we go thorough the court process in Urakine the children will legaly be ours. Before even sending our dossier over to Ukraine we will have subbmited the appripriate document to INS to bring the children home. As well, before we leave Ukraine we do basicly an exit interview at the U.S. Embassy.
If you have questions please email and we will do our best to answer them
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The last few days...
I haven't posted in several days. I've been working on our rundraising website. At first it was a small project but, you know how that goes....
Now it's a website all about what funraisers we will be doing and when. A little about us, and some great information we found on adoption, Ukraine and parenting in general
How and one job be not only the hardest job in the world but, also the best job in the world? That's how we and many of our parent friends see parenting. The tuffest job you will ever want!
As soon as it's finished I'll publis a link here!
Now it's a website all about what funraisers we will be doing and when. A little about us, and some great information we found on adoption, Ukraine and parenting in general
How and one job be not only the hardest job in the world but, also the best job in the world? That's how we and many of our parent friends see parenting. The tuffest job you will ever want!
As soon as it's finished I'll publis a link here!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Picking An Agency
One of the hardest choices in adoption is what agency to use. We chose to work with Barbara Weaver from Adoption Journey in Longmont, Colorado. The state has some international requirements that make adoption here difficult. Picking an agent, we found, has a lot less to do with what you want and a lot more to do with how everyone else wants you to do with YOUR adoption. Through much of the process you feel like you are the last person in control.
It can be very frustrating!
We remind ourselves constantly that this is what we want and although we may not like some things this is what we have to do so we can bring home our children. Bringing home our kids is our focus. It keeps us motivated and more then a little excited!
I know it must be hard to imagine how a person can be attached to a child they have never met. But, you do become attached. Even, as in our case, when you don’t have a child’s profile and picture to look at. You know that there is a child out there destined to be yours and that’s what you hold on to. It makes everything worthwhile and very real.
I guess that’s why when there are set backs and endless delays it can be so disheartening. We’ve have had our share of delays. A few due to Chris’ work, some we had no control over and some have been financial.
We just keep going.
I looked over my comments on picking an agency to work with and I really didn’t say much about that. It’s hard. We talked to and received information from at least 80% of the adoption agencies in Colorado. We know we wanted to adopt internationally. We also knew we wanted to adopt from Ukraine. Those two points helped to narrow the field. But, not by much! One of the best parts of a Ukraine adoption for us was that their adoptions can be done independently. Meaning you secure that assistance of a facilitator and translator in-country to assist you with your paperwork, court process and really the whole adoption from the time you get there. We liked that. It would have saved us significantly on our adoption fees.
If you go through an agency here they like to tack on another few grand for their services. Services which, if you do your research and find a reliable in-country team you can manage without. These additional fees can be anywhere from $ 3000.00- $ 8000.00. That’s a lot! And, keep in mind that is in addition to the country fees, the home study fee, the INS fees and you housing expenses while your there.
Unfortunately the state of Colorado has recently mandated that all adoptions by people living in Colorado must be done with an agency that holds a contract with the in-country team. You can’t imagine how we felt when we discovered this. We had already researched facilitation teams in Ukraine and picked the team we wanted to use. We had exchanged emails, reviewed hundreds of references. We knew who we wanted to work with. This was one of the many times we felt like everyone had control of our adoption but, US. And this was jus the beginning!
So we started the search again and found a small agency in Longmont, Colorado. Adoption Journey is owned by Barbara Weaver. She has a Ukraine program with reasonable rates and a contract with a facilitation team in Ukraine. NOT the team we wanted to work with. We made a choice and a compromise and opted to work with Adoption Journey.
Barbara has been peasant to work with and very informative. She’s even adopted her own angel from Ukraine, a beautiful teenage daughter. I think that’s what made the compromise easier for us. It’s nice to be working with someone who not only knows the steps but has taken them.
It can be very frustrating!
We remind ourselves constantly that this is what we want and although we may not like some things this is what we have to do so we can bring home our children. Bringing home our kids is our focus. It keeps us motivated and more then a little excited!
I know it must be hard to imagine how a person can be attached to a child they have never met. But, you do become attached. Even, as in our case, when you don’t have a child’s profile and picture to look at. You know that there is a child out there destined to be yours and that’s what you hold on to. It makes everything worthwhile and very real.
I guess that’s why when there are set backs and endless delays it can be so disheartening. We’ve have had our share of delays. A few due to Chris’ work, some we had no control over and some have been financial.
We just keep going.
I looked over my comments on picking an agency to work with and I really didn’t say much about that. It’s hard. We talked to and received information from at least 80% of the adoption agencies in Colorado. We know we wanted to adopt internationally. We also knew we wanted to adopt from Ukraine. Those two points helped to narrow the field. But, not by much! One of the best parts of a Ukraine adoption for us was that their adoptions can be done independently. Meaning you secure that assistance of a facilitator and translator in-country to assist you with your paperwork, court process and really the whole adoption from the time you get there. We liked that. It would have saved us significantly on our adoption fees.
If you go through an agency here they like to tack on another few grand for their services. Services which, if you do your research and find a reliable in-country team you can manage without. These additional fees can be anywhere from $ 3000.00- $ 8000.00. That’s a lot! And, keep in mind that is in addition to the country fees, the home study fee, the INS fees and you housing expenses while your there.
Unfortunately the state of Colorado has recently mandated that all adoptions by people living in Colorado must be done with an agency that holds a contract with the in-country team. You can’t imagine how we felt when we discovered this. We had already researched facilitation teams in Ukraine and picked the team we wanted to use. We had exchanged emails, reviewed hundreds of references. We knew who we wanted to work with. This was one of the many times we felt like everyone had control of our adoption but, US. And this was jus the beginning!
So we started the search again and found a small agency in Longmont, Colorado. Adoption Journey is owned by Barbara Weaver. She has a Ukraine program with reasonable rates and a contract with a facilitation team in Ukraine. NOT the team we wanted to work with. We made a choice and a compromise and opted to work with Adoption Journey.
Barbara has been peasant to work with and very informative. She’s even adopted her own angel from Ukraine, a beautiful teenage daughter. I think that’s what made the compromise easier for us. It’s nice to be working with someone who not only knows the steps but has taken them.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Hello
We are Christopher, Patricia and Devon. Chris is a Sergeant in the USARMY, I’m a stay at home mommy with a home business and Devon is our 5 year-old son. We desided as a family we wanted to adopt. I think Chris and I knew even before we were married we wanted to adopt so, when the time was right it was really a matter of getting Devon on board with the whole idea. He wasn’t hard to convince. He wants a brother or a sister. Mostly a brother.
I think we have looked at every possible adoption program available. Every time a new one opens we are right there researching. We finally desided to adopt from Ukraine because of the type of a adoption progam they have.
Instead of having a child preselected for you, you travel to Ukraine view information on several children at a central office in Kiev , pick the child or children you wish to meet and travel to see them. Your able to spend several days with them and see how you feel about them and how they feel about you.
We like that we can sekect a child from the information provided and see them in a short time and that the adoption can be done in one trip. However, this is not a simple process it can take months or years to complete an adoption from Ukraine. There are some problems with adopting from Ukraine that perspective parents might not face with other programs. You could get there and there not be any children meeting your criteria. Also, the adoption program in Ukraine is always changing. You have to be very flexable and adaptable.
Adoption can be a very difficult process. There are many ups and downs weather adopting domesticly or internationally. Neither is better and neither is easy. All involve a profound leval of commitment and emotional involvement.
We think we have made the right choice for us and at the end of this long road is a child. Hopefully two.
Our hope is to bring home a boy and a girl! Yes two kids. We are looking for kids between the ages of 3 and 7 most likely a sibling group. Currently Ukraine does not allow the adoption of two unrelated children at the same time (there are some exceptions). I know many reading this are thinking were insane.
Truth is we may be insane but, thats a whole other ball game. We’ve thought about this over and over again and we keep coming up with the same answers. First we are both very OK with not doing the baby thing again. And, Devon really wants someone he can play with! (Which is all he would say on the matter) We know there are lots of potential problems with adopting older kids (vs. babies) but, reality is you are going to face problems with biological kids, infants, toddlers, pre-teens and teens, domestic as well as international adoptions. We chose the age group we did because in the end it was very important to us (the adults with the final vote) that the kids be in the same age range so they could better relate to each other. They will still have plenty of time together to develop all those wonderful sibling quirks!
All those problems we might have, adjustment issues, bonding issues, health issues they are just issues. One by one we will work through what ever comes up.
What matters is that we a lot of room in our family for more and there are kids out there of all ages who need and want to be part of a family.
I think we have looked at every possible adoption program available. Every time a new one opens we are right there researching. We finally desided to adopt from Ukraine because of the type of a adoption progam they have.
Instead of having a child preselected for you, you travel to Ukraine view information on several children at a central office in Kiev , pick the child or children you wish to meet and travel to see them. Your able to spend several days with them and see how you feel about them and how they feel about you.
We like that we can sekect a child from the information provided and see them in a short time and that the adoption can be done in one trip. However, this is not a simple process it can take months or years to complete an adoption from Ukraine. There are some problems with adopting from Ukraine that perspective parents might not face with other programs. You could get there and there not be any children meeting your criteria. Also, the adoption program in Ukraine is always changing. You have to be very flexable and adaptable.
Adoption can be a very difficult process. There are many ups and downs weather adopting domesticly or internationally. Neither is better and neither is easy. All involve a profound leval of commitment and emotional involvement.
We think we have made the right choice for us and at the end of this long road is a child. Hopefully two.
Our hope is to bring home a boy and a girl! Yes two kids. We are looking for kids between the ages of 3 and 7 most likely a sibling group. Currently Ukraine does not allow the adoption of two unrelated children at the same time (there are some exceptions). I know many reading this are thinking were insane.
Truth is we may be insane but, thats a whole other ball game. We’ve thought about this over and over again and we keep coming up with the same answers. First we are both very OK with not doing the baby thing again. And, Devon really wants someone he can play with! (Which is all he would say on the matter) We know there are lots of potential problems with adopting older kids (vs. babies) but, reality is you are going to face problems with biological kids, infants, toddlers, pre-teens and teens, domestic as well as international adoptions. We chose the age group we did because in the end it was very important to us (the adults with the final vote) that the kids be in the same age range so they could better relate to each other. They will still have plenty of time together to develop all those wonderful sibling quirks!
All those problems we might have, adjustment issues, bonding issues, health issues they are just issues. One by one we will work through what ever comes up.
What matters is that we a lot of room in our family for more and there are kids out there of all ages who need and want to be part of a family.
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