Q and A

Since we announced we are adopting we've gotten mixed responses and lots of questions. I think anyone who is doing an adoption gets some of the same responses we did. People are naturally curious, excited, concerned and opinionated (I don't mean that in a bad way just that they have their own thoughts or ideas on adoption just like all the advice you get when you’re pregnant or a new parent).

Some of the responses and concerns are well founded and some are just from not knowing. I'm going to try to answer some of the questions we've gotten here to help everyone. Some of the questions we were asked may sound kind of harsh. We choose to feel they were not intended to be harsh just a show of concern.


Q: Why do you want to adopt?
A: Why not? The question for us has never been why, it's always been when.

Q: Do you think you will love your adopted child like you do your son?
A: We've heard this from both parents and not yet parents. Yes. We will love this child jus the same as we love the child we created. We will love the child's differences from us as much as we love the similarities. We haven't found the child who will forever be a part of our family yet but we know that child is out there and ours.

Q: Will the child look like you?
A: Children from the Ukraine are considered Eastern European. They tend to be darker blond and light skinned. However, they also may have some Asian background or Gypsy (Romanian). The kids have dark hair, light hair, red hair just like any other kids. We don't get to pick our child on hair color nor would we want to. We don't care if the child we bring home looks anything like us.

Q: Will the child speak English? If they don't how will you communicate?
A: As with any foreign adoption it is unlikely the child will speak English. He may speak a few words or phrases but, probably not. While we are in Ukraine we will have the assistance of a translator. Our translator will help us with officials, the orphanage staff and the children. There will be times we won’t have assistance and be on our own trying to figure out the language. We are both trying to learn some of the language before we go so we can be a part of conversations and not just a third party. We will take our laptop with us so that when we have internet access we can use the internet to help translate. When we get on that airplane to come home we will be all on our own. I expect by then we will have all have phrases we recognize and be on our way to working it out. Some things you don't need to know the words for like showing a child you love them.

Here are some excellent translation sites:
http://babelfish.altavista.com/
http://translation.langenberg.com/
http://www.google.com/language_tools


Q: Aren’t you afraid your adoptive child will be mad at you or resent you for adopting them?
First she won’t be our 'adoptive child', she will be our daughter. Second we won’t be forcing any child who does not want to be adopted by us to come home with us. That is one of the things we like about this program, we will be able to meet the child and ask them with the help of our translator if they want to be our son or daughter. When we get home there will be some adjustments for all of us. They may be missing their friends and the comfort of surrounding they recognize. It will not be easy, at first, for any of us. But, it will get better, it will get comfortable.

In later years I guess they might miss Ukraine or even want to go back. We will work through that when it comes.

I've heard the stories about the adopted kids both domestic and international who turn on their parents in the middle of the night but, I've also heard the stories of birth children doing the same thing.

If we sit here and wonder about all the bad things that might happen I may as well not wake up in the morning because we are just asking for a bad day. Instead we focus on all the great things we would be missing if we didn't adopt.

Q: Why don't you just have more kids?
A: We are just having more kids, this is the way we have chosen to do it.

Q: Why don't you just stick with one child?
A: We have always wanted more then one. There are plenty of hugs to go around. It just seems right to us to have more and adoption seems the right way to do that.

Q: Don’t you think your son will feel like he wasn't good enough?
A: We certainly hope not! And, will do everything to ensure he and any other children we have knows they have an equal place in our hearts and home. We feel he will be happy to have a sibling and they will grow into a bond like any other natural born siblings.

It won’t be smooth at first, it won’t be easy but again no household with kids is smooth all the time. Siblings don't always get a long. You work it out as you go.

In the end we deeply believe this is as good for our son as it is for us.

Q: Why are you spending all this money to adopt? Why is it so expensive?
A: If I didn't have insurance it would be the same expense as having a baby and in some adoptions the same time frame. If I needed fertilization treatments I would spend more then an adoption. If I wanted to use a surrogate mother it would be more. In the end I would rather spend the money and have another child then not have another child at all.

I ask myself this question every time I have to pay an adoption expense. There is a lot involved and every step requires some fees. The home study and the dossier preparation our agent with Adoption Journey will do as well as our post adoption. There are a lot of small fees involved with getting all the paper work together for the dossier. There is the fee for having it translated to Ukraine. There are the fees for housing while in Ukraine, about 30 days. Fees for the facilitator and translation team, transportation in Ukraine, airfare there and back plus two additional tickets, INS fees. Fees I've forgotten! When you look at it as a whole number it’s a lot. But, when you break it down the fees are not as excessive as the first appear.

Q: Isn’t this just like buying someone’s baby? Or kidnapped kids?
A: NO IT'S NOT! None of the children we will be shown are being offered by a family. These children are all in orphanages run by the Ukraine Government. These children have been placed in orphanages by their family because they could not care for them or have been removed from the family by the government and placed in the orphanage. Before a child can become available for international adoption the must be on the adoption registry for a specific time period, this allows time for family to be able to claim them or to be adopted by countrymen.

Q: Will your adoption be legal in this counry.
A: Yes. One we go thorough the court process in Urakine the children will legaly be ours. Before even sending our dossier over to Ukraine we will have subbmited the appripriate document to INS to bring the children home. As well, before we leave Ukraine we do basicly an exit interview at the U.S. Embassy.

If you have questions please email and we will do our best to answer them